One Saturday night, I logged into the adoption website. I entered Hanna's code and waited patiently for the search engine to locate her, like a diamond in the rough. Search empty. WHAT????? My stomach turned. I must have put in the wrong numbers. I tried again, and again...nothing found. My heart was pulsating in my throat. I closed my eyes and talked to God for a brief moment...
"God...please put a white light around my heart, because I think it might break into a million tiny pieces."
I took a deep breath in and collapsed into a heap on my couch. Hanna had been adopted. Tears, warm and uninvited, flooded my cheeks. I cried for hours-- for the little girl who snuck into my heart and took up residence. I felt like I had been the front-runner in the Olympic marathon and then an expert runner joined the race last minute and swooped the gold medal from underneath me. I was devastated.
When I was able to collect myself and my thoughts, I remembered that this journey had started so a little girl could have a home...a place in this world to be loved unconditionally, and now she did. I had to remember that from loss there is gain, and I would embrace the lesson in this experience.
Hanna will always have a special place in my heart; she is the flame that ignited my spirit and I shall never forget her.
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